Potty-training a 3.5-year-old

JF had been having about one success per day for months now. He understood most of the concepts (except he sometimes says poop when he means pee), but had no motivation to make progress. We had also been giving him a sticker for each success. He seemed to like the stickers, but he never asked for them, even after peeing on the potty.

A few weeks before Christmas, I attended a potty-training-workshop given by the PEP program. Five or six other mothers attended, mostly representing four- and five-year-olds. One method that was recommended was "Potty Island" where you lock yourself up in a bathroom with your child for three or so days in a row, and let him eat, drink, play, and especially drink to his heart's content. And keep him barebottomed during all of those waking hours.

A friend of mine called it a "fairy tale" to think that you can potty-train a child all in one weekend. To a degree, I think she was right. But we've been preparing him for months, teaching him about pee, poop, potty, and toilet paper, teaching him how to climb up onto the potty, look at a magazine on the potty, flush, wash hands, pull pants up and down, and take his own daiper off. He was ready, but it just hadn't clicked yet. I figured Potty Island was worth a try.

We tried it New Years' weekend. We extended the "island" to include JF's bedroom, because our bathroom is so tiny. He had accidents, of course, but those were opportunities for him to learn. On the third day, when he started to pee on himself, I called out, "Time for potty!" He ran to the potty, leaving a trail of pee droplets on the floor. That was progress, because I didn't have to pick him up and bring him to the potty myself.

The next sign of improvement was at bedtime, when he wanted to put off going to bed, he said, "Poop on the potty?" It was just a delaying tactic, of course, but it meant that he knew it was important to us.

We also started giving him one M&M after each success, because he loves chocolate (just like his momma). He started asking for an "M" after peeing. That was another sign of progress.

The past week has been a roller coaster ride: The first day after Potty Island, Tuesday, he had only one accident! I was amazed. By Sunday, he was having three accidents each day. I was worried that the Potty Island venture had been a failure. Today, however, he had an accident-free day at daycare and PEP, and had only one accident at home! He peed on the potty twice this evening, after dinner and before bed, earning an M&M each time, and we lavished him with praise. I told him that I'm proud of him for keeping his underwear dry.

I hope JF has turned the corner. He'll probably still have accidents, but that should gradually decrease over time. Then we'll work with him to poop on the potty and stay dry all night.

One thing that I've read is that you should make your child say "goodbye" to daipers as soon as you have switched them to underwear. Then they say, don't worry about night-time training until after your child can stay dry all day. This makes no sense to me. How can you say goodbye to daipers if you still need to use them at night? We'll save that goodbye for later, when he can wear underwear even at night.