My weekend

I have a lot to share again:

• Buying the Jessup house
• Visiting the library
• Visiting brother-in-law
• Allowing JF to "help"
• Visiting the mall
• Watching shows about autism on TV
• Having a liesurely Monday morning

Buying the Jessup house

My husband has determined that we can afford to buy his brother's Jessup house! Yay!

So now we need to figure out how to sell our Gaithersburg house and how to move all of our crap. I'm excited, but also overwhelmed. AF is taking this whole week off of work to prepare the house. We need to refinish the wood floors and repaint the walls. We need to put a lot of stuff into storage so it won't look so cluttered when potential buyers see it. AF's brother said we could move stuff directly to the Jessup house, to save money on storage. (Ain't family grand?)

AF has also decided to pay $250.00 for home staging. I'm not convinced that this is necessary, but AF feels strongly about it, so I haven't raised a fuss. The real estate agent said that we'll get the $250.00 back at closing. I think maybe we should get that in writing.

I think it is now time to tell my boss that I'm planning to move. I'd had the impression that it would be a bad idea to tell her too soon. But now that it is more definite, and we have all this work to do, it will be harder to avoid the subject. I will reassure her that I intend to stay until the current project is done, because I don't want to abandon my friends when they need me. However, I will ask her for permission to work from home on a regular basis (maybe two days per week), considering my increased commute.

We're allowed to work from home occasionally, such as during inclement weather, but we're not allowed to do it on a regular basis. At one point, over a year ago, my boss allowed a few writers to telecommute regularly. This was before I had Internet access from home. I signed up for Internet access, planning to start working from home regularly like the other writers. My boss knew about my plans. But then her boss learned about her policy, and changed her mind. His argument was, if we writers were allowed to work from home regularly, then he'd have to allow his developers to do it, too. And he didn't trust his developers to maintain their productivity at home. My boss didn't put up a fight. So that was the end of that.

One of the writers on my team asked for special permission to work from home regularly, considering her long commute. They didn't give her permission. So she switched to a department that does allow regular telecommuting. We're still hurting from the loss of that writer, but the developer boss doesn't care. He seems to think we can handle four times the documentation with half as many writers.

So I will be surprised if I get a special dispensation to telecommute regularly, but it can't hurt to ask.

Visiting the library

I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm not familiar with the library system. When I was a kid, my mom took us to the library often, and I had always pictured myself doing the same. But when I started living on my own, I discovered that I could afford to buy any books that I wanted to read, and stopped going to the library. I'm proud of my own personal book collection (even though it will be a pain to move it all to another house). When JF was born, he was given so many books by family and friends, that we haven't needed to go to the library.

When JF's PEP teacher came over for the home visit, I told her that I've ordered Children with Starving Brains from the bookstore, she suggested that I check out books from the library first, so I don't end up buying a book I don't like. I don't think she was criticizing that book. I think she was just making a very practical suggestion. She also suggested that I look for Floortime by Greenspan, Out of Sync Child by Kranowitz, and Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Kranowitz.

Another reason for going to the library has come up: We're planning to move. To help JF deal with the trauma of moving, I decided to check out some books for him about moving. After all, it would be wasteful to buy books that we won't need for very long.

Last Sunday (the 11th), I managed to take JF to the library. (I learned the hard way that the Gaithersburg branch doesn't open until 1:00 pm on Sundays.) A nice librarian found a bunch of books about moving and I checked them out. It wasn't until we were on the way home, and JF was asleep, that I remembered that I'd wanted to look for the Floortime and Out of Sync Child books. Doh!

This past Saturday morning, I found the online catalog for the Montgomery County Public Library. I searched for the three books that JF's PEP teacher had recommended. Floortime was "in transition" at one library and checked out everywhere else, so I gave up on that book for now. The two Out of Sync books weren't available at Gaithersburg, but they were available at several other libraries.

AF volunteered to take JF to the Olney library and pick up the two Out of Sync books. I was worried that they might be unavailable by the time he got there. Then I discovered how to put a hold on these books at Olney. I even called the Ask-a-Library number to make sure I was doing it right. The man I spoke to said, if they are available at Olney now and I put a hold on them at Olney, they should be available for my husband to pick up when he gets there. So we tried it.

AF called from his cell phone a short time later, saying that the two books are in transit. They apparently had to be shipped from the Ashton library to the Olney library. If I were the swearing type, this would be a good time for it.

Maybe I've spoiled myself, getting all of my books from the store all these years. Maybe I'm expecting too much from the public library system. But I'm very annoyed with it right now.

Visiting brother-in-law

On Saturday evening, we went to dinner at my brother-in-law's house. This is the same brother-in-law who wants to sell us his Jessup house. He and his wife have nearly finished fixing up their new house in Columbia, so they invited the whole family to come see it. Their house is beautiful.

JF has two cousins his age, but they are both girls, both neurotypical, and both loud. When these girls went downstairs, JF came upstairs. When the girls came upstairs, JF went downstairs. I think he likes his cousins, just not all at once.

I also noticed one of the older cousins' reactions to JF. This cousin is about nine years old. Whenever JF said something, she would look at him as if he had just sprouted horns, and then look at me for an interpretation. I asked her if she's ever heard of autism. She had not. I told her that we think JF might have autism. She asked what autism is. I said, "Kids with autism speak differently and maybe even think differently than we do." I don't know whether she understood, but at least she stopped giving JF funny looks.

When one of the same-age cousins sang a song, everyone clapped. Without even thinking about it, I tried to encourage JF to sing a song he's been practicing lately: "I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day...." He sang a few words here and there, but didn't sing as well as he usually does. On the way home, I discussed it with AF. I said that the girls have no trouble saying, "Look at me! See what I can do!" But JF doesn't do that, and I worry about him getting less attention from his aunts and uncles. AF pointed out that it seemed too contrived, and asked whether I really do this for JF's benefit or my own. I would like to think I do it for JF's benefit, but now I'm not sure.

Allowing JF to "help"

Every weekend, I make several peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and put them in the freezer for JF's lunches for the week. This time, I allowed JF to help. It's a good learning experience for him, but it's hard for me to ignore the imperfections. For each sandwich, I put a dollop of jelly on one side and a dollop of peanut butter on the other side. I gave JF a dull knife and showed him how to spread the jelly. Then I had to restrain myself from "correcting" JF when he wanted to spread the jelly from one slice of bread onto another slice. I had to tell myself, "It really doesn't matter."

JF also stretched the definition of "spread" to include poking the bread with the knife. I had to draw the line there. I told him, "No cutting" and showed him how to spread again. In the end, he worked on two sandwiches, while I made the other sandwiches, and then I finished up his two sandwiches for him. Then I held baggies open while he dropped in the completed sandwiches. I gave him a hug and told him that he's a good helper.

There really wasn't as much of a mess to clean up afterwards as I had feared. I guess this is as much of a learning experience for me as it was for JF!

Visiting the mall

Yesterday, my sister (Sister2) and her daughter came to visit. My niece will turn thirteen this week. Niece asked me what kind of teenager I think she will be. I guess she worries about what other people think of her. I told her that she will be a good teenager. Niece seemed happy with that.

Sister2, Niece, JF, and I went to Cartoon Cuts at the mall. JF and I both got much-needed haircuts. At some point today, I'll ask AF to take a photo of JF and me with our new haircuts. However, we don't have a digital camera, so it might be a while before this photo shows up on this blog. And I have the impression it will cost me something to post a photo. I need to find out about that.

We intended to take JF to the play area in the middle of the mall after the haircuts, but this area was occupied by a Lunar New Year celebration. We could hear the performance and see glimpses of a dragon, but there were too many people for us to see anything else.

Then I suddenly realized the mall was crowded. Aack. I hate crowds. I don't know whether it had been crowded the whole time we were there and I just didn't notice until that point, but it seemed to become crowded suddenly. We skedaddled away from the performance.

I treated the four of us to Cinnabon. Mmm. I generally don't like to cook, but I want to try making cinnamon buns someday. We were almost done eating when Niece announced she needed to use the bathroom. That reminded me. I asked JF, "Do you need to go pee?" He thought for a moment, and said, "More sit on the potty?" That's his way of saying, "Yes!" I asked Sister2 to watch our stuff. When JF stood up, I noticed he was already walking like a cowboy. I grabbed the bag of JF's spare clothes (we still call it a diaper bag), took JF's hand, and told Niece to take his other hand. Then we plowed our way through the crowds to the bathroom. Most of the people apparently saw the look of determination on my face and got out of the way.

Unfortunately, JF's pants were already drenched by the time we reached the family bathroom, and he didn't have any pee left for the potty. And I didn't have any wipes. So I stripped off everything from his waist down, wiped him down as well as I could with toilet paper, and redressed him in clean clothes. One of his boots was damp, but we didn't have any spare shoes. I had to just put the boots back on him. And JF kept flushing the toilet. I yelled at him for that. Normally, I'm not so quick to yell at him, but the crowds had me in a dither.

I like the bathrooms in this mall because there are smaller toilets and lower sinks for kids like JF. But this time, the place was a zoo. And there wasn't any soap.

We eventually managed to make our way back to Sister2, bundle up, navigate the stairs (escalators scare me), and head out. And it was snowing. Haven't we had enough snow?

By the time we got home, JF was asleep and I was exhausted. Is a haircut really worth all this hassle?

Watching shows about autism on TV

I generally don't watch much TV, but I have two favorites: House on Tuesdays and Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Sundays. So I was already planning to watch TV last night. Then I noticed a blogger comment (I can't remember where) that said there will be two shows about autism on TV on Sunday: 60 Minutes at 7:00 PM and Extreme Makeover Home Edition at 8:00 PM.

I managed to watch both, but didn't really learn anything new.

• I think Leslie Stahl may have made an over-generalization on 60 Minutes about vaccines, but I'm not sure. I'm glad that the doctor they featured is trying to find a way to detect autism early. But I worry that people who don't know about autism will conclude that you can diagnose autism by calling the child's name and seeing whether he obsesses over a particular toy. It's much more than that.
• On EMHE, the cast seemed to be stressing the importance of getting it right this time. And I wondered about the dad, who had been working two jobs to support his family. Now that their mortgage has been paid, does he still need to work two jobs? If not, will he be able to handle more of the parenting now? The EMHE cast didn't mention anything about counseling for either of the parents, but I think the dad could probably use some help adjusting.

Having a leisurely Monday morning

Today is President's Day, so I have off from work and JF doesn't have his PEP class. AF was already planning to take off this whole week. So AF made banana pancakes this morning, and we had a nice leisurely breakfast.

We thought the daycare was closed today, too. But when AF stepped outside to smoke, he could see cars in the daycare parking lot and hear kids yelling. Hallelujah, JF is going to daycare today!

I think this is the first time that AF and I have both had a day off of work while JF was at daycare. My goodness, what will we do with the time? :)